Recognizing Parental Alienation During and After Divorce

 Posted on March 17, 2025 in Divorce

The concept of Parental Alienation Syndrome began in 1985 as a term used during child custody (now known as the allocation of parental responsibility) cases that referred to a situation where one parent manipulated a child to reject the other parent. When parental alienation occurs, the child feels forced to choose one parent over the other.

Parental alienation may be a way for the alienating parent to "get even" with the other parent for real or perceived affronts that occurred during the marriage or to secure a larger share of parenting time. The ultimate goal of parental alienation is to harm the other parent, but when a child is taught to be hostile to, fearful of, or to reject his or her parent, it can have a profoundly harmful psychological impact on the child involved and is not a behavior that should be ignored or taken lightly. If you are a parent facing parental alienation, it is important that you speak to an experienced Wheaton, IL family law attorney.

A Hostile Child

A child who is the victim of parental alienation has no ambivalence about the other parent. In other words, the child believes the other parent has only negative qualities with no redeeming qualities. The child will share those beliefs with the alienated parent's friends and family while showing only support to the parent doing the alienating.

Furthermore, the child typically shows an absence of any sort of guilt regarding this campaign of hatred against his or her parent. The child will not hesitate to make belittling or hateful comments directly to the targeted parent or when talking to others about the targeted parent.

A Highly Manipulative Parent

The alienating parent actively works to damage the relationship between the child and his or her other parent. The alienating parent may:

• Make false claims about the other parent

• Manipulate the child’s emotions to create resentment toward the other parent

• Speak negatively about the other parent on a daily basis

• Limit contact with the child’s other parent

• Tell the child their other parent does not love them

• Ask the child to spy on the other parent and report back

• Create fear in the child regarding the court, trial, and litigation

• Interfere with communication between the other parent and the child

A parent who engages in parental alienation may even change the child’s name to prevent any connection or association with the other parent or tell the child not to call the other parent "mom" or "dad." Although the alienating parent likely claims he or she is "protecting" the child, the actual end game is to control the child’s feelings about the other parent. The process of parental alienation can be difficult to prove, so it may go on for years before the court "catches up," visitation is enforced, and therapy is ordered.

What Can You Do About Parental Alienation?

If you are noticing behaviors in your child that suggest parental alienation is occurring, begin keeping a detailed journal about the behavior. Ask your ex-spouse in writing to stop his or her parental alienation. If your ex-spouse is keeping your child from regularly scheduled parenting time with you, ask to see the child in writing (keeping a copy of all correspondence).

In other words, document everything so you can prove to the court that parental alienation is occurring. Find a therapist who understands parental alienation for your child and yourself. When you are with the child, create a loving atmosphere, and never talk about your ex-spouse. Seek legal help if nothing else has worked.

Contact a DuPage County, IL Child Custody Lawyer

If you are the victim of parental alienation by your child’s other parent, it is extremely important that you speak to a knowledgeable Wheaton, IL parental responsibilities attorney from Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC. Identifying parental alienation behaviors quickly can help you and your child as the court takes steps to stop the other parent’s alienation tactics. MKFM Law has offices in Kane County, DuPage County, and DeKalb County for your convenience. Call 630-665-7300 to schedule an initial attorney meeting.